floods

do you ever just need to break down? like go for a drive and let the tears fall? after i took georgia to her doctor's appointment yesterday i needed a moment. a moment to let it all come out without her seeing how disappointed and overwhelmed i was. so i left the house on an errand to get bread and sat in my car letting my emotions overcome me, working and sorting them out as they flooded my consciousness. not that it was a particularly bad day, not that it was particularly sad news from the doctor, just not what i wanted to hear. her poor little leg, trapped in that blasted cast for the past 8 weeks was still not completely healed. i held her shriveled up, alligator skinned smelly leg in my hands as the doctor was showing me her x-ray. you see, little ones are supposed to heal fast, she is a very slow healer. i suppose it was the drop in my already too full bucket that made everything spill out. i was in shock and lost in a moment of sadness so we left the office, i carried her to the orthopedic office downstairs and fitted her scrawny leg into a knee immobilizing brace and left for home. so much on my mind so many emotions to sort through and i had to leave. so i did. and i wound up in the parking lot of the bakery tears streaming down my cheeks working it all out. so much has hit us this last year, so much that when i think of it all i can't believe my family and i are still functioning. i feel weak, drained, and so very overwhelmed. i can't imagine how people who are struggling with much more than i am are still able to function. i am to the point where it is my little family and everything else is suffering somewhat. i suppose that is where my energy needs to be. to provide that safe haven for my children while the world and all of it's trials are knocking at the front door, the back door, the garage door and every window of the house. unbelievable to me is that after this breakdown i feel relief. i feel i can face whatever else may come. i feel like i can face what i am staring at right now. i held my little girl last night after we had soaked her leg in the bath for the first time in 8 weeks. she was so happy, so beautiful and so unchanged by her own trials of a broken leg and i felt the hope, and joy that was seeping from her soul into mine. our heavenly father loves us and is watching out for us and allows us beautiful moments in our turmoil that strengthen us so we can move past the minutes of our lives where we feel we need to break. i know this time will pass, that we will feel the peace we had before everything decided to change. i know this because i have faith. and now, i am going to find joy. we are promised joy, so, instead of letting my mind land on the trials i am going to look for the joy.